Wednesday, December 21, 2005


When you're a small child, seeing your grandparents (if they were awesome and not grumpy old wrinklies) was the highlight of your little lives. Basically because they wouldn't stiff you out of lollies like your parents did.

When you enter your tweens (early twenties), and you suddenly find yourself living with a grandparent, you find yourself noticing lots of peculiar rituals that these odd creatures do each day. I will give you some exciting examples.

1) Pulling the curtains closed at 4PM in the middle of summer to keep the imaginary draught and darkness from penetrating their little corner of the world.

2) Collecting figurines and garden ornaments of just the one animal. (It's frogs here) There are soft-toy frogs, giant painted frogs, frogs that go 'RIBBIT' at 200 Decibels when you walk past it's sensor and require a trip to your underwear drawer.

3) Ticking clocks. It is a requirement for anyone over the age of 60 to have at least 12 ticking clocks situated in their house. All of the ticking is syncronised.

4) Photos. Photos of everyone they have known over the past 80 years. Therefore each room has 500 photos placed precariously around the room. None of these photos overlap.

5) Address books. Address books situated next to reading glasses. Look inside these address books and you will find pages upon pages of spidery writing documenting each family members previous 15 addresses. None of these people are still alive.

6) Cushions. All elderly people have at least eight cushions on each couch or chair.

7) Cards, Christmas cards, birthday cards, strung in a line, directly across the middle of the room.

Ahh, the elderly. Wicked fun.


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